When I was a small child we were inseparable,
You and I.
That dream when we sat together at the table
and You told me marvelous things:
I’d love to remember what You said.
But the ruler of this world bound me in sin;
it hasn’t been the same since.
I lost track of You.
I even forgot who You were.
But because I never forgot the feeling
of our undivided love,
I looked everywhere to recapture it.
Thus began my longing,
my homesickness, the constant ache.
I thought You were a woman once,
was sure of it.
The disappointment almost killed me.
I thought I found You in religion,
but it turned out to be an illusion.
The pain of separation was unbearable
so I tried to numb it with drugs,
strong drink, sex, gambling,
and a thousand other addictions.
I began to believe the subtle whispers
from the ruler of this world,
that if I couldn’t find You here,
You must not exist.
I fell into despair and disrepair.
I sank to the bottom
and breathed in hopelessness.
Then my loving sister
took me to Your house.
You know how I love to sing,
even though it sounds like a dying calf
in a hailstorm,
so You put me in the back of the choir.
I sat there and listened to the shepherd
preach to his flock for a month of Sundays.
Then one Son-filled day after “Amazing Grace”
the pastor told how You suffered
bled and gave up Your life
then You tackled me from behind
and drove me face down to the alter.
You claimed me as Your own.
I confessed my sins,
my anguish, my insignificance
through a veil of tears,
mortally terrified that if I waited
another minute to fall at Your
I would be lost forever.
I believe! I believe! I believe!
You called my name
and I took a single step of faith,
then died on the cross with You.
Oh, amazing grace!
A new creature rose from the floor that day,
and nothing has been the same since.
Now the words You spoke at the table
You said: “You are Mine.”
Gratitude and love overflows right now,
making further speech impossible.