When I start thinking highly of myself
You take me outside to look at the stars in the heavens.
When I begin to count myself clever and witty
You bind up my bowels or give me a terrible rash.
When I complain about the incompetence of others
You make it hard for me to tie my own shoes.
When I brag about my accomplishments
You have my wife remind me of my failures – in a crowd.
When I adore my face in the mirror
You let me walk around all day with a booger hanging out.
When I bitch and moan about my troubles
You sit me next to a man with one leg.
When I make fun of someone with a big butt
You give me ten pounds I’ll never be able to lose.
When I am ashamed and ask for forgiveness
You bring me in from out of the cold rain.
When I take Your hand
You tell me You never let go.